Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Mighty Morphin' Alphabet!



Because I have all the guest posts in the pipes, I've been a little lax here -- but how about a short one! A very, very short one inspired by my boredom this morning. 

Monday, August 23, 2010

What to Do When Your Bookshelves are Overcrowded: A Guide






Where do you store your books when you have run out of shelf space? What happens when there is simply no room? Don’t worry -- I have created a decorating guide to assist you based on my own overcrowded bookshelves and experiences in finding storage for books.



1. Separate your books! Store your fancypants literature somewhere really cool and prominent so that when you have guests, they walk into your home and are instantly wow’d by your cultural magnitude. 






2. Your sock drawer. No one has enough socks to fill an entire drawer, so you may as well use the extra space for a few books.





3.  Redecorate your entire home to look like your college professor’s office. This means you can just stack your books as high as you like. Also, buy ferns.

(I just want you to know that I got so carried away with ferns and books in this picture that I totally forgot to draw a couch or, you know, anything else. But I think that fits for this.)








4. If you have an extra bathroom, why not consider using the tub? It’s just sitting there, empty and alone. Fill it up with books -- but make sure to remove them before you take a shower in there one early, early sleepy morning...


5. That weird place under the stairs. When you can’t convince anyone to help you paint it so it looks like THIS:




Afford the ultimate payback by doing THIS:


6. It’s important that your books are mobile -- they go where you  go, so you’ll always have something to do if your friends start to bore you. Therefore, consider the following:

For girls, always have a purse that is large enough to carry around books. This way, if an evening or a date is "boring", you can whip out entertainment without any problems!
For girls or guys, having a decent library selection on-the-go is a plus. In addition to having ample storage space, the trunk of your car also goes wherever you (and your car) go!




Since guys don't have purses, here's a solution for you!



And an extra one for girls! 

Gee, I wish I had a book.

Oh, hey! What's THIS!?

Tadaaaaa!


7. When you're really desperate, try rooting the kitchen for space. You probably don't use it too much anyway, since you're always reading.


*Always leave room for a pie!


8. And the number one spot for your books?



Friday, August 20, 2010

Chaotic Baking



I love cooking and baking -- and whenever I can find an excuse to do either (or both!) I am all over it. Baking with me, however, tends toward the chaotic. Delightfully chaotic, I think, but chaotic all the same!

For example! When I bake, I don't really care much about keeping a clean kitchen. I'll wipe up huge messes as I go and try to keep it reasonable, but I'm no professional anything: flourpocolypses are common. Also? I don't own an apron:


(Please help me find an apron. And a head.)

The floor is frequently covered in batter, but I fortunately have servant cats who clean up after me. 

When the item is in the oven, I'm at a complete loss of what to do -- I know, in my mind I KNOW, I'm supposed to just LEAVE IT ALONE and let it be but it's all I can do not to constantly open up the door. You see, I just spent an hour or so prepping this product and now it's in an oven, doing its own thing, and it just doesn't need me any more. But I've still got all that BAKING energy buzzing around and I want to keep going, keep doing, but there IS NOTHING LEFT TO DO. Sometimes I wind up boiling vegetables just because I feel obligated to keep cooking.

When the cakes are setting in the freezer, I constantly check on it: "HEY HOW ARE YOU? STILL THERE? OKAY. JUST CHECKING. NEED ME? NO? OKAY."

Then, when it's all finished? 

I don't eat it.

I don't eat anything I bake! I hear it's great, very tasty, but I am just not even remotely interested in Stuff I Create so I have to try to pawn it off on all my friends.



Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Why I'm Afraid of Butterflies

This is a butterfly:


Scary, right? Oh, you think THIS is a butterfly?
WRONG. No, WRONG. Butterflies are terrifying! It’s a weird thing to be so squigged out by, I know, but I am definitely and absolutely afraid of butterflies. Them and their wings. And why so many patterns? Why, butterflies? Trying to get away with something?
Also, they SMELL WITH THEIR FEET. WHAT?! No!!

The reason I’m so afraid of butterflies is so deeply rooted I can barely remember it, but my mom helpfully reminds me every time a butterfly flies past me.
It was a lovely day, a perfect day for an outdoor wedding. So there was an outdoor wedding! And we were there.


I was maybe two, three years old so outdoor weddings, as lovely as they may be, held absolutely no interest for me. Things that did hold interest for me:






So naturally, I decided to play in some bushes. I must have been within eyeshot because my parents wouldn’t let their very young kid run off alone, but something horrible happened anyway in those bushes.





There I was, building a perfectly lovely house for an ant out of sticks, minding my own little business, when...










I exploded out of the bushes in a desperate attempt to outrun their little beating wings. They kept coming! They wouldn’t leave me alone! So I bolted toward my parents. Running out of bushes screaming undoubtably caused my mom and dad some genuine concern.



Until they saw that there was a swarm of butterflies around my face and all I could scream was “flutterbys!”

Someone saved me or I outran them, but I’ve never had a fondness for the little monsters since. I’m telling you.

They’re up to something.

And as Bart Simpson says: No one ever suspects the butterfly...