Scary, right? Oh, you think THIS is a butterfly?
WRONG. No, WRONG. Butterflies are terrifying! It’s a weird thing to be so squigged out by, I know, but I am definitely and absolutely afraid of butterflies. Them and their wings. And why so many patterns? Why, butterflies? Trying to get away with something?
Also, they SMELL WITH THEIR FEET. WHAT?! No!!
The reason I’m so afraid of butterflies is so deeply rooted I can barely remember it, but my mom helpfully reminds me every time a butterfly flies past me.
It was a lovely day, a perfect day for an outdoor wedding. So there was an outdoor wedding! And we were there.
I was maybe two, three years old so outdoor weddings, as lovely as they may be, held absolutely no interest for me. Things that did hold interest for me:
So naturally, I decided to play in some bushes. I must have been within eyeshot because my parents wouldn’t let their very young kid run off alone, but something horrible happened anyway in those bushes.
There I was, building a perfectly lovely house for an ant out of sticks, minding my own little business, when...
I exploded out of the bushes in a desperate attempt to outrun their little beating wings. They kept coming! They wouldn’t leave me alone! So I bolted toward my parents. Running out of bushes screaming undoubtably caused my mom and dad some genuine concern.
Until they saw that there was a swarm of butterflies around my face and all I could scream was “flutterbys!”
Someone saved me or I outran them, but I’ve never had a fondness for the little monsters since. I’m telling you.
They’re up to something.
And as Bart Simpson says: No one ever suspects the butterfly...