Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Leaving Eddie in a Tree

I was not always the amazing older sister you see before you. In fact, I kind of sucked.

When you’re the oldest, you get blamed for just about everything. To combat this,  you have to be cunning -- slick and savvy! You have to create ways to get your younger siblings into trouble. 

I did this all the time, but never so well as the time I left Eddie in a tree.

Eddie was not allowed to climb trees or go in the woods for the following reasons:

So naturally, one day we were playing in the woods he probably wasn’t allowed to enter and I saw a nice, tall tree. 

I pointed up the tree and said, “Hey, Eddie. Climb it.”
Eddie wisely said, “No! I am not allowed to climb trees.”
My evil little ten year old brain did some quick thinking and I assured him that I knew that and that was why I was going to teach him how to climb trees. With a delighted smile, Eddie scampered on up.

And I scampered the hell away.

I made a beeline right for the house and entered with a shout:

Now, I had predicted that she would be angry. I knew the reaction would be one of rage. But there was always a variable -- which child would be the recipient of the anger?

It was Eddie.
My mother blew out of the house yelling at him and walked into the woods. I silently high-fived myself for enacting a perfect “Get Eddie In Trouble” plan then quickly scurried to my bedroom.
I guess my mom got Eddie down somehow because he came home (to my ten-year-old self, what a bonus it would’ve been if Eddie had to live in the tree! I suppose I was hoping a little for this:

But he came home and we lived our lives. I’m sure he was mad, but what could he do? Punishment had been DOLED OUT. I had won.  I walked around gleefully for weeks.

My mom loved the extra help.

Eventually, we wound up in the woods again -- I’m not sure how. And I figured: This worked once! I wonder if it’ll work again. I was a smart kid, so I didn’t think it would -- but nor did it hurt to try!

IT DID. IT WORKED. He climbed up again and my brain exploded into a glittery rain of excitement while I booked it to the house yelling all the way.

I could not believe my luck. I could not believe my PROWESS. I must have become the queen of older sisters that day -- no one could top this. No one. I had TWICE made Eddie climb a tree. TWICE my little brother got stuck up there. 
I was agog when the scenario presented itself again.

At this point, I wasn’t sure if my little brother was stupid or something, and the glee was wearing off just a little bit. I still told my mom and he still got in trouble, but I think the shine began to wear off around the fourth time. 

And by the fifth time my brother got himself stuck in a tree. It felt too easy. Like I was cheating. It was time to find a new, more difficult way to get him in trouble without receiving any splash off punishment.


  1. I didn't get punished the last time. Just laughed at.

  2. That is awesome. I should have done this to my younger siblings when I was 10...they definitely would have deserved it!

  3. Listen, pipsqueak.

    Don't ruin the story.

  4. Don't listen to Christine, I don't deserve trouble. Anyways, I totally got in trouble lots when Little Brother was bugging me. =(

  5. Amazing!! As a fellow older sister, I can totally relate :)

  6. I'm sure your little brother got you back :)

  7. Haha! Your pictures make me laugh every time!
    I once locked my younger brother in the bathroom because "I didn't want him anymore." The fire department had to be called to get him out. My mother wasn't impressed.

  8. annnnnd i remember this. ps, thank you for including the thinking hill (or is it a shadow?... i'm gonna go with thinking hill) in your drawing. made my day.

  9. Lol I can see falling for it maybe twice but five times?? He must have really loved climbing those lovely trees.

  10. Thanks so much!

    Heather -- YES.

  11. You remind me so much of my sister...You're brothers not very smart I stopped climbing after three times.

    I showed her.

    Funny Post!

  12. With elder siblingness comes great responsibility.
    ya. I never learned that either.
    I was horrible to my little brother
    and my daughter was horrible to HER little brother.

    so- are they born brain-damaged, or do WE cause it?

  13. Greg -- Glad you liked it!

    Luna -- I think we're just evil.

  14. Heh heh... Ahhh... little siblings. THey're awesome. I made my sister eat so many gumballs, she threw up. RAinbow puke. It was ok, though. We just blamed it on my OLDEST sister. Being in the middle ROCKED.

  15. your evil face is fucking awesome!

  16. I'm with Paige. The evil face made the post for me.

    And seriously, Eddie, 4 times? FOUR times?

  17. Being the first child in my family, I have to say that I was anticipating the next line of this post of yours, in glee :D

  18. Oh my god, so right. I would bite myself and tell my parents that my sister had done it. That got her in trouble on its own, but it also built up her reputation as a "liar" since she would always deny biting me (she never did bite me, but mom and dad didn't know that). So later, I could blame her for all kinds of things, and they'd think she was just lying. It was a wonderful system while it lasted...

  19. http://www.vacationcalledlife.blogspot.com

    thats my blog, I guess we both got our ideas from hyperbole and a half. :D

    great post, by the way!

  20. I would have done the exact same thing to my brother; in fact, I did. It's amazing how they don't learn the first time. It's kind of like a gold fish! But like you, I got bored, so I got him to do other things- like lock himself in the attic and light bugs on fire to get him in trouble! Ah, the days.



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