2010 Fashion Tips: What's in Style!

In which a total nerd tells you what’s cool. 

I’m going to preemptively preempt this by saying quickly: this is not a fashion blog. This wasn’t even supposed to be a post for this blog! I just didn’t know where else to put it because it just got longer and longer -- it got away from me. IT GREW. 

Guys, let’s talk about things that aren’t cool. Things that simply are not cool. I see a lot of uncoolness floating around and I’m pretty sure this handy list here will help us ALL avoid some of the pitfalls of uncool-i-ness.

Let’s start off slow. 

There, that wasn’t so bad, was it? No one’s surprised by this (right???) -- fanny packs Are Not Cool. 

Here’s another easy one:

I know that the sun isn't clothing, I just wanted to wait for everyone to catch up. Also, sunburn is never cool. Okay, we’re all on the same page now, right?

Let’s move on to something a little more advanced.

I know it seems cool NOW to dress like a hobo, but when you look back on this in ten years, you’re going to feel really. REALLY. REALLY!!!!!! stupid. Unless you a) are a hobo or b) are going to fully commit and have the little hobo stick-kerchief accessory (in which case, I SALUTE YOU and YOU WIN LIFE), stop dressing like you have negative twenty four cents.

I also think it’s very uncool for shorts to cost more than pants.

I’ll say it again.

SHORTS. cost MORE DOLLARS. than PANTS.

You can just sit on that one for a while.

High waistlines are “in” or “back” or whatever stupid jargon we use.

WHY ARE YOU IN AND/OR BACK, HIGH WAISTLINES?

You weren’t flattering then and you aren’t flattering now! When your most famous fashionista was Urkel, it’s time to just ride into the sunset and never return.

Speaking of horribly unflattering...

Maybe four people in the world can wear capri pants without looking like they’re waiting for a flood (One day, though. One day, they’ll be right.

) or their pants (and I use the term loosely) are about to explode off their normal-sized-human-thighs. These four people are all eighty seven feet tall and have the bodies of a Barbie doll and I’m 98% certain they’re Cylons. So they don’t even COUNT, you guys. 

I’ll leave you with one more.

No, two more, because I have to put in a P.S. at the bottom of this entry.

Let’s talk mukluks. 

What’s a mukluk?

It’s sort of an even stupider Ugg.

I’m not even sure I need to say anything about this -- but just in case some of you want to look like a worn out Clydesdale, I’ll put it out there. 

Clothing is meant for warmth. It is also meant for storage and for protection. I’ll acquiesce that there is a degree of artistry and personal expression in the clothing industry and there has been for centuries, but the bottom line of clothing is function. Your clothes should be functional. And until someone can explain the functionality of THIS:

You can just keep walking.

P.S.: While I was researching what’s cool this season for this entry (because I sure as crap have no real idea), I discovered that lingerie as outerwear is a thing. A thing as in, it’s “cool”. And my first, visceral reaction was, “Holy Fuck, what?! YOU CAN SEE HER BOOB. YOU CAN’T WALK AROUND LIKE THAT.” But then I thought about it some more and this is what I’ve come up with:

I don’t have to get dressed in the morning at all.

Think about it -- 2010 could be the year of lazy dressing. I can roll out of bed in my skivvies and tumble to work* and if someone gives me guff about it, I can be all like: No, guys, it’s IN this season! And if everyone’s doing it, it’s gold! Lazy gold!

It’ll be like THIS, but ALL THE TIMES.

* (I don’t have a job.)

P.P.S.: I totally rescind the above “clothing is for warmth” crap if it means I can roll out of bed and go places without having to get dressed or be uncomfortable.

What to Do When Your Bookshelves are Overcrowded: A Guide

Where do you store your books when you have run out of shelf space? What happens when there is simply no room? Don’t worry -- I have created a decorating guide to assist you based on my own overcrowded bookshelves and experiences in finding storage for books.

1. Separate your books! Store your fancypants literature somewhere really cool and prominent so that when you have guests, they walk into your home and are instantly wow’d by your cultural magnitude. 

2. Your sock drawer. No one has enough socks to fill an entire drawer, so you may as well use the extra space for a few books.

3.  Redecorate your entire home to look like your college professor’s office. This means you can just stack your books as high as you like. Also, buy ferns.

(I just want you to know that I got so carried away with ferns and books in this picture that I totally forgot to draw a couch or, you know, anything else. But I think that fits for this.)

4. If you have an extra bathroom, why not consider using the tub? It’s just sitting there, empty and alone. Fill it up with books -- but make sure to remove them before you take a shower in there one early, early sleepy morning...

5. That weird place under the stairs. When you can’t convince anyone to help you paint it so it looks like THIS:

Afford the ultimate payback by doing THIS:

6. It’s important that your books are mobile -- they go where you  go, so you’ll always have something to do if your friends start to bore you. Therefore, consider the following:

For girls, always have a purse that is large enough to carry around books. This way, if an evening or a date is "boring", you can whip out entertainment without any problems!

For girls or guys, having a decent library selection on-the-go is a plus. In addition to having ample storage space, the trunk of your car also goes wherever you (and your car) go!

Since guys don't have purses, here's a solution for you!

And an extra one for girls! 

Gee, I wish I had a book.

Oh, hey! What's THIS!?

Tadaaaaa!

7. When you're really desperate, try rooting the kitchen for space. You probably don't use it too much anyway, since you're always reading.

*Always leave room for a pie!

8. And the number one spot for your books?